Beastly the game of no consequences or police

Sorry it's been a long time, but you know...Life.

Now lets go back to some games shall we? This time I'm setting my sights on another game based off of a movie.

As my blog post says I'm refurig to Beastly for the Nintendo Wii. I will get it out there now, that I didn't see the movie this was based on...I did see Beauty and the Beast so that's close enough in my mind. You know rich guy insults a witch and gets cursed to look ugly. The horror!!! In my opinion the guy actually still looks kind of hott, I mean his body is still nice. The witch didn't make him fat with a face full of pimples. 

Anyway, he kidnaps the quiet girl and keeps her in his house so they can fall in love. 

So, you think because this is a game based off of a movie you would get to play as the main characters right? Come on now, you should know better! You get to play as generic girl A or generic boy B, you know just in case you want to feel like your apart of the story but using a character that you don't even get to name. 

Yes, for the entire game your character is referred to as "You" not even he/she so don't think there is any replay value by picking another character. I know I checked. 

So what do you actually do you may ask? 

Well the first thing your introduced to is the school social network sight where you can "Like" or "Dislike" people posts. I didn't even realize you could do this on my first play threw, and it has no influence to the plot at all. Like most things you do in the game, it is pointless. From this page you see that you can unlock pictures and change settings be "friends" with the characters from the movie. Also, you cannot type in your own posts. Hooray for totally Not Facebook!!

The actual game starts with a clip from the movie, that explains nothing at all. You just see that rich hot, douchbag is running for president agents quiet smart girl. You can control a character here, and talk to the quiet girl. All she wants is to get enough people for the school trip to Manchu Pichu, so she asks you to get signatures from other students. So you walk around and talk to a bunch of people, then go back to her. Such Doesn't this sounds like such interesting game play? It is time for the first think you can do that would try to qualify this as a game. Throw things at campaign signs. Apparently you want douchbag to win the election, and have to stop any negative propaganda. So you throw stuff at the signs of his pooly drawn face that are graffiti. It's not like your using motion controls so you just have to point and press A. Then you count ballots.....A for one side B for the other. If it is blank or a Joke Ballot you throw it away. Yawn...if it seems like I'm rushing with run-on sentences, I am. This game is so boring and un-eventful waiting in line would be more fun.....

So after rich douche wins president he says he is going to throw a party. There is also something about rumors being told about Mary-Kate Olson but that's not explained. 

So you head to the party that is all access. Woo! No invitation required!! 

You go up to the bouncer and he asks for an invite and he heard nothing about this being an all access party and you need to get back to the end of the line...

I take back my statement from earlier, this game makes you wait in line for two minutes...you sit there and do nothing for two minutes.  

I would like to mention that I didn't pay full price for this game, I played $15 to much, but not full price.

After that exciting gameplay moment that will surly go down in videogame history. You force your way to the front of the line, only to get kicked out again.
You then go back to school and talk to rich guys friend, who says he will give you an invite if you give a note to rich douche girlfriend.
Lots of Padding...Dulll Dulll Padding.

Then you get into the party!!! At this part of the game you have to walk around and  "take pictures" for the school paper. So you walk to spots that have cameras on them and you unlock screen shots from the movie. I guess at this time your soposeto to be interested in some sort of plot point between the girl and rich boy, and that Mary-Kate is going to curse him or something. That is not really important at the moment though, what is really important that you need to be popular by showing off your awesome dance moves!

 Does anyone remember playing Flash Flash revolution? That's basically what your doing, with the Wii mote you press the arrows and your on screen character stands still and waves their hands in the air, while not responding to any actions you are commanding.
Your sprite just stands there waving their hands in the air while listing to the same repetitive tone that people think is house music I guess. You know, it like anything you are doing is totally pointless. At this point in the game you finally get to help Mary-Kate curse the rich kid. This mini game is the worst. It is just a timing game where you have to press A at the right point. It seems to be a guessing game when that is. Normal QTE will have a clear indicator about when to press A. This one has some vague flashing motion on a picture of a flower. Your like constructing curses with it...I have no idea what's going on really, and you have no idea that you do it I think. For the rest of the game you're trying to find out what happened to rich boy, by committing felonies.

I'm totally serious, the first thing that happens after Rich Douche is cursed you try to break into his locker to find out where he is, and when you can't get near it, you pull the fire alarm and not only break open one locker but six.  You don't get caught, or punished nor it is mentioned again.
Right after, you go to his house looking for him, and talk to another character from the movie. Some lady who says "No, No, Mr. Superman's not home" or something like that. You see a car drive away and "know" that you need to follow it, and steal someone's motorcycle of the street to follow it. One again, no police or anything. You just have to avoid the normal things on the road like oil spills and open man holes. Just weave in and out, almost like Spy Hunter but not as fun or anything like it not all because your on a stolen motorcycle in a video game that has nothing like the movie at all. Except for little totally out of context clips that I think are meant to move the plot a long, but are so minor that you would have had to see the movie to know who these people are and why they are helping the Rich Kid. Also, your character seems to be in the dark about everything, so the fact that you see these moments. How can your character know what is happening if the point of this game is to find out where rich boy is. Most of the cut scenes are 30 seconds long, and kind of show what you need to be doing in the next section, like seeing Rich Kid, who is now called Hunter, sneaking around to a Halloween party. 

Speaking of a Halloween party, it's Halloween! You talking to bitchy girlfriend and that other guy...I know it's lazy of me to not look up any names, It might even be unprofessional but are you reading because you actually care? If you care...Then sorry? 

So back to not caring, your told to play a crane game for cheep dollar store candy, and I have to say this is probably the worst mini game in the whole game. None of the games are that great, flash games for advertisements seem to function better. This game is barely responsive. Remember in Kirby you have the mini game where you have to pick up a fat or thin Kirby for lives. 

This is like that, but this one you have to hold the Wii mote sideways, and roll it forward to try and pick up the candy. It works about half the time. I did rush a bit, so I failed and had to retry a few time, then it became personal, so I gathered all my gaming skill and picked up the candy eyeballs and gummy bats. Victory was sweet! After the candy is retrieved, you will discover that I lied. There are police in this game, they just don't do anything. 

Apparently there was a murder, or an attempted murder they don't make it clear. They think it was Hunter though. The three policemen in the area, tell you to leave at first. Then after about a minute they leave the a murder scene unattended, so you now get to commit felony number 5 (maybe) by disrupting a crime scene. By playing I Spy. So you look for bullets, a movie ticket and other stuff, that most likely has nothing to do with the murder case at all. After you witness Hunter fleeing on a motorcycle and you steal another bike to follow him. After, you do end up at his house, and get to golf with Neil Patrick Harris off of a roof. After it  is strait to the Zoo. 

If it seems like I'm rushing again, at this point the game is starting to just push you along the non existing plot like it is surprised that anyone would play it for this long. Back to the golfing portion if you are really interested, you ever play NES golf, or even Mario Golf? It's is like that, kind of hard to fuck up. 

At the Zoo it's time to commit felony number 7 and climb the wall to break in after hours. Kind of like the hexing game, you need to click on the hands at a certain time to go up the wall. If you get the rhythm down it's easy. 

After you break in, it's time to learn facts about animals. You can go up to the different exhibits and read about animal facts, because a security guard catches you in the Zoo. Oh no!!! 

You tell him that you work there, and in order to prove yourself be asks you animal trivia....Because that proves you work there....

Another cut scene, it's about Elephants...

Finally the last part of this dumb dumb game. 

You finally head to Manchu Pichu, the final chapter in this epic tale of wandering around comitting felonies and not finding out any information at all! Or even seeing the main characters. They didn't even show a movie clip of them at the field trip or anything.

In South America, you need to take pictures of land marks and play spot the difference for some reason. 

You need to find what is different between a drawn picture and a color picture. Your teacher also says there will be a quiz, so you read facts on billboards around the area (if you want to I didn't) and once you pass....That is the end. I'm serious, it just cuts to a clip from the movie of hot guy (back to normal) and girl run to each others arms and saying that they are beautiful...on the inside (HA!!!). Then you see stuff on the totally not facebook.

I'm not being lazy, there is no resolution, you have no idea what happened to the people the game is about. I have no idea how hot guy turned back to normal, and how the girl he kidnapped was cured of her stalkhome syndrome, or if Neil Patrick Harris gets his eye sight back or anything!!

The only  "reward" I could find  for finishing, is a 30 second clip of the hot guy working out in his underwear. That is very sallow of me but what can you expect, this was the worst game I have ever played in my life. The fact that it is a game based off of a bad movie doesn't mean anything here. I expected it to be bad, but not so lazy that there isn't even an ending.

The Question is, did his game suck because it was clearly marketed at girls? The movie was made during the Twilight phenomena, and I guess it was popular enough to get this game, but..I don't know what I was expecting to be honest. They should have stuck with copping Twilight and made this game trivia based.

Don't waist you time...Unless you want to laugh and wait in line.

Once again, may the stars guide you 

Hoshi*